4/3/08

Everyday Is

Moving Day

Unless You Are Already "There"

4/3/08

All Of U

My dad has been in the hospital for a week and honestly I don't expect him to recover this time. I have prepared myself for the possibility and eventuality of the fact that he will pass away soon. He has lead a long and fruitful life filled with honor and love for his family and others he met along the way and I learned many of my generous ways from my father. At almost 98 years old, he has out-lived all of his siblings.

I know, the first thing people say after finding out he lived to an old age will be, "Wow, it's a BLESSING that he lived to be almost 98 and it was just his TIME to go" or something to that effect.

People think saying that will somehow ease the sting of losing an elderly loved one but the truth is, that by saying those things it makes people like me ACTUALLY analyze the words of WHY people might be saying them. I will couple the words uttered with the known relationship the speakers have had with either ME or my parents. You know I am thinking, "Do they genuinely mean the REGRET that my dad has lived a long and fruitful life and is passing or are they just running their mouths because they don't know what to say in condolences? Do they REALLY care or is it just the chatter of idle minds?"

Of course, I just smile and say "Thank you," because that's really the only thing you can say to well-meaning people you may or may not really know and in my case, by people who may or may not really understand or GET me because even though I am analyzing everything said, it would be rude and unnecessary to say anything worse than the "Thank You" and the look into their eyes at the time of the spoken words, you know?

The truth is, there's nothing anyone can say that will make me feel better about my Dad, Mother, Sister, Brother, Wife. Daughter, In-laws or Friends dying so you can rest assured if you fall into that group with me I will be bereaved about your passing. Whether it was your TIME or not really doesn't matter when you are gone. All of you.

Even though I am still thinking about and talking about people I care about trying to keep their memory alive, how many times and ways do I have to say that I love my family and my friends?

You know, if you say "All Of U" real fast you might hear something else.

Digressing a bit, whenever I give myself a shot of insulin (and it ALWAYS hurts) I am thankful that I can feel the pain from the needle entering my skin because in reality I know I am still alive. Honestly as crazy as it might sound to people that do not have Diabetes (or know they have it), I look forward to the pinch of pain even though I always try to diminish and lessen it. I didn't say that I loved the pain or that I am a masochist so please don't get it twisted.

I'll wager that all the dead people of the world wish they were alive to feel my pain, probably even the pain that caused their deaths because even at THAT terrible inevitability for them and those that loved and appreciated them, still there was a semblance of LIFE and knowing where they were and WHO they were.

In death there is the starkness and bleakness of the UNKNOWING no matter what faith you claim.

Think about THAT if you are strong enough to mentally dare! I know that everyone isn't. There are many of us roaming this earth as sheep following whomever whichever the wind is blowing, afraid or too lazy to even think for themselves.

My driver Aubdo Dickson is a very practical and religious man who LIVES what he preaches, unlike MOST of us. I am so happy that my cousin Cecil Sadler introduced him to me 7 or 8 years ago. Aubdo is like family to me. He, his wife and kids know that I feel this way because not only have I told them, I have showed them by my deeds. I treat him as a brother.

Often while riding me around Aubdo and I talk about God and religion today and the ways that people don't practice what they say they believe... Really it's ME doing most of the talking and a little of the listening.

The fact is that I am so tired of the acrimony and sanctimony of people who say they believe in God, love Jesus and want to "Walk in his ways" while at the same time allowing the authorization of the killing of strangers in far away lands because of political agendas and profit. HOW is doing those things Christ-like?

HOW CAN WE BELIEVE that in allowing these things to happen without complaining, we will go to the same Heaven that God lives? HOW? Our failure to challenge these works runs contrary to what we claim to believe. How can we think we are going to Heaven while doing the Devil's work?

My angst lies in the fact that instead of addressing our faith, like the discontinuous race problems in America, we would much rather collectively ignore or supersede the question thereby hoping that it will go away... Why can't people stand up for what they say they believe in and be who they say they are, defining themselves and being better for it?

I had to say it and if you are somehow offended, is it because this is TAG and you are it?

Why can't we try to take the High Road? Don't worry about those you offend when you live for the principles you love because we all must move someday and the answer to WHERE lies in what we do and why we do it.

Writing about this political campaign and the Dirty Tricks being employed by others against Obama's success has elevated my method of thinking somewhat because I realize that how WE practice our beliefs are perhaps more important than whoever eventually wins.

On the grand scale of life does some minute, speck Presidential election on this part of this planet at this juncture in time matter more than God? If it does, you don't believe in the same God that most people claim to pray and you therefore don't REALLY believe in the teachings of Jesus either. If you did believe you would know the differences between the truth and BS and no media pundit or candidate could sway you with distractions or misinformation.

You would not and could not be moved...